What’s Your Brand?

Look how it glares at me with a menacing eye ...

Almost a month ago … Aaron went to the HEB to buy some groceries. Normally, he would have hit up the wal-mart or something, but we only had one vehicle at the time and we were going to … wait … no we were taking Jessica’s car to see Wicked that day … so I honestly don’t know WHY he went to the HEB.

Anyway. This is a post about toilet paper.

Every time I talk about toilet paper to Aaron, I express my feelings towards Charmin. I absolutely LOVE Charmin. I used to really love the blue kind because it was just so soft and gentle … but I felt that if it got over wet … it left too much behind. (Kind of like those bears in the commercial) So, we switched to the Red Kind. I’m in love with it. Honestly. It has the perfect amount of soft-ness and fluffiness without leaving any residue or tp-lets as I like to call them.

But … this isn’t a post about Charmin. Oh no. It’s a post about what ever the hell kind of toilet paper Aaron brought home from the HEB.

First of all … he CLAIMS that they didn’t have Charmin there. This is complete BS, for I have been to the HEB and I know that they have our brand. I think that he was in a hurry … or lazy … or side tracked … or whatever and completely did not think about the fact that I wipe FAR MORE TIMES A DAY THAN HE DOES.

He brings home the HEB version of sand paper. It’s SINGLE PLY. I didn’t even think that they still made single ply.

And he didn’t just grab a pack of four just to get us by until we could hit up the Wal-Mart … oh no … he grabbed the mega complex “I can handle a shit load of shit” package. And this stuff isn’t going anywhere.

I find myself trying to waste toilet paper. Like, I roll it and roll it and roll it around my hand over and over and over again … just to pick up a spider off the ground. Or, I grab gobs and gobs of it if I’m trying to wipe Liam’s nose. And it’s like it replenishes itself or something! I crawled into bed the other night with a chafed ass and nearly wanted to cry myself to sleep when I looked to see how much more we had of this crappy toilet paper and realized that we have 47 more rolls of it!!!!!

I think that we’re literally used two rolls in the past 22 days. TWO ROLLS.

I really think that the HEB brand of TP has it out for my ass.

And it’s SO winning.

    • Kathleen
    • July 26th, 2010

    Ya know, I have really been considering writing/telling/yelling to everyone for the last 2 months not to buy the Kroger brand toilet paper. Now we don’t buy anything expensive just Angel Soft but man that stuff was bad. I would wrap it around my hand like 20 times and it still didn’t do the job right! lol Thank you for your post!

    • Kathleen, I put my ass on the line for you 🙂

    • Christina
    • July 26th, 2010

    I agree, no cheapie toilet paper here too. Soft and Gentle brand at Wally world. They have the best price, hadn’t bought Charmin in years. Just donate what you have left.

    • I so would … except Aaron says that we have to use it 😦

    • AC
    • July 27th, 2010

    “Accidentally” knock “a few” rolls into the open toilet. Oops.

    And don’t donate that crap to charity! Poor people don’t want to wipe their asses with sandpaper either! I’d live off Top Ramen for a month to wipe my ass with the fluffy stuff.

    We use the brand with the puppies…Cottonelle? IDK, it’s got the cute golden puppy.

    • Alright, alright … I won’t donate to charity! I’m just throwing it out!!!

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