In Which I Discuss Body Image

I’ve always struggled with body image. I’ve gone up and down the size spectrum since high school. My lowest weight and size was probably Junior year when I lived with my mom and we barely ate. My highest weight and size is now of course, 4 months postpartum.

Right before we got pregnant, I had lost about 30 lbs and a two pants sizes. I was almost back down to the single digits (a place that I hadn’t been in since High school). I felt great about myself and about my body. This was last year right about this time.

I was seen wearing shorts and skirts again. I really enjoyed going shopping because I knew that  I’d be able to find clothes that actually fit in all the right places. It was a great feeling. I had gotten a tanning membership and was working out a lot and eating healthy. It was the “Summer of Rachel” to take a line from Seinfeld.

And then the stick said pregnant! We were so unbelievably excited!

But, now we have our son. He’s beautiful, wonderful, amazing … the best gift any one could ever bestow on one person. But, my body has not snapped back into that shorts and skirts wearing body again. Not even close, in fact. I’m still having to wear maternity pants or pants that are two sizes bigger than the biggest size I was ever in before I was pregnant.

My stomach is filled with stretch marks. Proof that I carried our beautiful son … but shocking to look at still.

We’re about to make a huge move at the end of the summer and I’m hoping that it will not cause me to go back on this statement at all … but, I’m hoping that I will be able to make THIS summer the “Summer of Rachel.”

I’m hoping to be able to at least lose the last 20 lbs of my pregnancy weight and get back down to where I was before I got pregnant. Then, from there … I can slowly continue to try and get back down to where I was when I first met Aaron … which was somewhere around 140.

I’m doing this for me. I need this. I’m tired of going into clothing stores and looking at all of the clothes that would look so cute on me if I only weighed XX amount. I need to actually get out there and do something about it.

I don’t want to be a “fat mom.” I want to be healthy and happy for Liam!

So, here’s to the Summer of ME!

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