My Love for Jen Lancaster


A few year ago a friend of mine introduced me to a hilariously amazing author named Jen Lancaster. Jen writes memoirs, five as of now, about different things that happen in her life.

Her first, Bitter is the New Black, is a witty re-telling of what happened to her when the dot-com era fell and she ended up jobless. Her antics involve going to the employment office with a Prada bag, temping in outrageous places, and ultimately trying to learn how to live a little more frugal since she had about 2 dollars to her name.

Bright Lights, Big Ass discusses her warped view of living in the city due to all of the Sex and the City watching she had done in the past. Carrie Bradshaw didn’t find herself with weird foreign neighbors or smelly dogs. Bradshaw only had shoes and parties and that tends to make those people that want such a glamourous life get a big kick in the face when they realize that it’s just not quite that easy.

Such a Pretty Fat follows Jen on a mission to not make her work out pants rip open at the seams when she bends over. This one is my personal favorite, because I think that ever diet she tries in the book I’ve tried myself. Ultimately, what ends up working is a bad ass personal trainer named Barbie. Too bad I don’t have a book fronting the bill on my personal trainer so that I could lose the weight like Jen too!

Her fourth was a memoir based on her childhood called Pretty in Plaid, this one was still good … but since I get a kick out of her verocious potty mouth … a lot of the younger stuff before she got the dirty mouth just wasn’t quite as funny for me. All in all, it was still great such because she wrote it!

And finally, I picked up her latest book, My Fair Lazy, at her book signing yesterday. Let me just say that while I haven’t met a celebrity before Jen … I don’t think that I want to meet one afterwards either. She was the absolute BEST at what she does! She came out and talked about getting accidently day drunk at the hotel before the gig, she did a reading from her newest book and asked some questions from the audience. Then, we all lined up and she talked to us individually one on one while she signed as many books as we placed in front of her!

She even signed my book “To Rachel – I can’t wait to grab some wine together the next time you’re in Chicago. All the Best XO Jen” So, now Aaron HAS to take me to Chicago so that I can take her up on that offer! (I won THAT argument! Thanks Jen!)

But, all of this is not why I love Jen … although it definitely helps. But, I love Jen because she says exactly what I say except that she actually has written it down and makes money off of it. My dog Nakomis also smells like corn chips like her pit Maisy. I’ve mentioned this to Aaron on a dozen or more occasions.

Me – Nakomis smells weird …

Aaron – Like what? Outside? Dogs always smell like outside.

Me – No, she smells like some kind of food. She smells like Dorritoes or Fritoes or one of those “toes” chips.

Aaron – (big sniff) What? No, I don’t smell that at all … what are you talking about?

Me – She smells like some kind of chip!

And with this Aaron simply gives me a scathing look and turns back to the history channel.

I ALSO think that Golf shouldn’t be considered a sport … and neither should bowling.

About two weeks before I picked up Bitter, Aaron and I were driving in to see his parents and we got into this conversation about sports.

Me – Golf isn’t a sport.

Aaron – Um, what? Yes, Rachel it is a sport.

Me – No, it’s a game. There’s a difference.

Aaron – Oh really, sounds the same to me.

Me – No, there’s a difference. All sports are games, but not all games are sports. It’s like that math thing that I learned during summer school where you have the two circles and above them you have “Games” and “Sports” and the two circles over lap? Well, in the Games section you’d have Golf, Bowling, and Trivial Pursuit, and in the middle part where they over lap you’d have Football, Baseball, and Basketball. You know, games that are sports because people run and sweat while playing them.

Aaron – I think that if you were to ask Tiger Woods if golf is a sport he’d say yes. I’m sure that he sweats.

Now, if this has been just recently, I probably could have come up with some witty comment that went something like “Well, if I were to ask Tiger Woods if golf is a sport because he sweats … I probably should ask him if sex is a sport or if telling his wife about the sex is a sport, because I’m pretty sure he was sweating bullets then. But, the whole Tiger Woods scandel hadn’t happened yet so I couldn’t say any of this. What I did say was …

“So what, I sweat when I walked from my car to the house in 107 degree weather that we have in Texas during the summer. Does that mean that what I’m doing is a sport? I think not. People that play golf get to stand around and chat with their friends and sometimes even drink beer!”

Aaron – Rachel, it’s a sport. That’s it.

But it wasn’t it … because just that weekend while I’m enjoying some Jen, I come to the part where she talks about how she hates golf because any “sport” where you just sit around and chat with your friends and drink beer is not a sport. Then, her foot note was: “I’m talking to you too, bowling.” I screamed out AHA!! Jen says it’s not a sport too!!!

But, Aaron refused to use that as my argument because I did not specifically know Jen as a person. What ever.

In Jen’s newest book My Fair Lazy, she tries to give herself a bit more culture instead of just watching reality television all the time. This, is a guitly pleasure of mine too. I just LOVE the drama! Seriously, Rock of Love is probably the best reality show out there just because of those trashy drama filled girls trapped in a house with copious amounts of alcohol! In fact, during the reading Jen talked about a new show that she found (which I also found while I was pregnant one night when I couldn’t sleep) Sex Decoys: Love Stings! It’s about a cougar that has three daughters and she runs a private investigation company where she uses her daughters and sometimes even herself to try to catch men (or women) in the act! She started mentioning it and I couldn’t help but screech out “OOOOO!!!!”

So, needless to say … Jen and I… soul mates. I mean yes, Aaron and I … we’re soul mates in the lovey dovey sense. But, Jen and I … soul mates in the everything about us is the same and we’re super awesome sense of the word.

Look up her novels and read them if you haven’t … they are GRRRRR-eat!

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